Time Flies

Wow! Didn't realize how long it has been since I last posted. Time seems to have a way of slipping by but does it really?

The past 6 months or so has been a time of change and rather than reflect and post - I have just pushed through without any real self-reflection. I think that is called denial. Change in and of itself doesn't bother me. It is actually a bit comforting for me -but only when I have structure around that change. This time around it has been less defined. I started a new job - one that I know I can enjoy - but the structure is missing. It is even more vague now since my hiring manager (and friend) has left for a different company.

Lately, I find myself wanting to cry. Not the most confidence instilling reaction. When those tears threaten- I am not usually in a place to allow them to flow or even to dwell on analyzing the why. So - stuff away. But I think my tear bucket is full and needs a release. But I don't have time - too much to do.

Separation from ... CATS?

Not quite what you may be thinking. Recently I was away from home for 12 days. Due to circumstances my roommate also was away during those days so I asked friends to feed the cats. These friends are very special because neither especially like cats. But I guess they like me! It was difficult for me to be away that long knowing that the cats would have minimal human interaction but so grateful for my friends. So now that I am home (and so it is roomie) it is interesting to watch these four-legged wonders. They know which of us is "their" mommy (1 is mine and other is Sandy's)- they rarely stray more than 5 feet from either of us. It makes me think of my relationship with God. See- He never leaves me but I stray all the time- I take Him for granted. What if for even a short period of time (3 hrs?) He left me? When He returned, I am sure I would be sticking to His side! I really don't want to experience this separation!

God speaks...do I listen?

God is a great communicator!

God spoke to Abraham many times but He used a dream/vision of the covenant act to communicate His will to Abraham.

God spoke to Moses - using a burning bush to catch Mose's attention.

God spoke to Joseph using dreams - of others and of Joseph's.

God spoke to Isaiah using a vision of God's glory - and literally floored Isaiah!

God was silent for 400 hundred years - sometimes silence speaks louder than words!

God spoke through Gabriel to tell Mary of her coming blessing. God knew that Mary would need a physical representation to assure her.

Jesus spoke to 12, 50, Hundreds of people to proclaim the love of God.

Jesus spoke to God - often - but how agonizing and heartfelt when He asked God why God had forsaken Him while hanging on that cross.

God speaks to me - if I will listen - in a variety of ways
- through His Word
- through a friend's kind words, hug, laugh
- through an enemy's criticism
- through a whisper during my quiet times.

He usually doesn't shout at me - He prefers a gentler approach. He wants me to be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD. I don't sit still often. I need to do so more - much more. He is whispering.

Iron Sharpens Iron

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (ESV)

I actually wrote this blog and hit the wrong button - so I need to re-write it - but I can't remember exactly what I said before -so God must have something different for me to write.

Last night was small group - what a blessing it is to meet with these women! They are so accepting and encouraging. Not everyone could get together last night and they were missed. Sometimes it is easier not to show up than to go there. Life gets in the way. We have all been there (and will be at some time again).

I say it is can be easier not to GO there. I will not say that it is easier not to BE there - it isn't. The time of sharing - our hurts, our hopes, or just where we are - is so important! But even more so is the time we spend "gnawing" on God's word! When we were deciding what to study this Fall - my initial reaction was a "Bible Study" but we decided to continue to work through the Sunday sermon. Last Spring, we worked in advance of the weekly sermon but I am really liking the focus on the previous Sunday's sermon.

So often we go to church on Sunday - greet friends, listen to/sing along with the music, and nod in agreement to the preacher's message. Then we go home. Life gets in the way again - almost as soon as we leave the church grounds. But with the small group discussing the message again on Wednesdays, it is like honing a knife. We are the knife (sword) and God's scripture is the honing stone. As a group, our reasoning together provides the motion of back and forth rubbing on that stone. And we get sharper.

I feel sharper today! But I know my knife dulls quickly - I need to keep the honing stone near by.

Hiding from God

The sermon on Sunday concerned Hiding from God. Of course, I skipped service that day. I still needed to listen to it since small group is tonight and we discuss the sermon, look at the related scripture etc. I must say - Mitchel Lee is one of the most outstanding preachers I've ever heard! Honestly! No Kidding! He is personable, educated, and usually dead-on target. But it is never "Hey look at me - I am doing it so right - you can too!" =- nope - his thread is always "Look at Jesus -he does it so right and covers you in your sin!". Glad I listened! I dont' know that I am hiding from God but I do think that I ignore Him. But it can't last long- the ignoring part. He has a wonderful way of showing up in life - specifically my life. Recently I have noticed that He just shows up - smile on His face - happy to see me and to re-assure me that He still loves me. No screaming that I missed church (again!) - no pouting that I am not spending time pouring over His scriptures. Nope, just a quick hug that says "I love you and miss you!".

thanks Jesus! em

Trust

I've been struggling with trust lately. How do I demonstrate trust? Specifically, when we are called to trust God - how should that be demonstrated? Does it mean to sit still and watch the events unfold? Does it mean go forward with your actions and hope/trust that it is in alignment with God's will?

I grew up in a family with the motto - God helps those who help themselves. I don't know if I totally believe that motto - but if action is believe - then maybe I do.

I know that God knows what I want, I know too that He wants us to ask for what we need/want but to ultimately accept that He knows better and may decide in a different direction. Sometimes He lets us have what we want and let the consquences teach us.

I've done what I can (in regards to a work situtation) - I do think it is time to just sit back. When the results are revealed - I want to accept and move forward. I am trusting that God will help me do so!

He has gifted me

As I drove to work today -listening to the same album for the 5th day - I was quietly reminded that God has gifted me.

A friend recently asked our small group - what are we passionate about? How has God gifted us? I was silent. I wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes it is easy to assume that if we do something well - that that is a gift from God - as opposed to a talent to be used by God. The thought that came to my mind was "Bible Study" - I am passionate about Bible Study. But am I? I have actually been resisting it for quite a while. Yes some of that is due to some internal wrestling with God - or avoidance of God. I am still wrestling - not so much avoiding. But another friend last week was encouraging me to use my daily drive into the office to listen to praise songs. So I heeded her advice - plugged in my iPod and settled on to the album "All Things are Possible" - by Hillsongs Australia. And it stayed there. The first day, I actually cried during one of the songs - not sobbing, but the tears just came. It was beautiful.

This morning, I had actually decided to change the song to some classical music (Vivaldi's Four Seasons) for my drive, but while I was trying to find the song on the iPod - Hillsongs was playing - well - I just couldn't change from it. The beat and the words were so uplifting on a particularly stress-filled day.

Then God spoke. Gently - as usually. He has gifted me with a passion for communication. Strange in some respects. It's not specifically one of the Spiritual gifts but used in many. I do not feel gifted to evangelize - but I am willing to give an answer for what I believe. I do not feel particular gifted to be a teacher - for Sunday School - I call myself a facilitator. My organization skills are somewhat sketchy. And I prefer to edit other people's written works than to write originally. I think that stems from a desire to make sure that the message that is intended is the message that is received.

Then what comes to my mind? I need to study God's word because that is the most important piece of communication available. I am accountable for my handling of that piece.

I've also decided to blog. Why? Maybe it will help clarify what He is teaching me. Maybe someone else may be blessed. It will definitely provide focus for me but this blog has to come second to communicating with the One that Matters-- GOD.

Peace to you.